This week i went through my old stuff... found pictures that i had forgotten id taken... found letters from past lovers... bits and pieces from old adventures. In some ways cleaning out that old stuff was closer in some ways, made things worse in others. I still feel most days like the life has been sucked out of me. This worst part was reading the letters from my past lover. It then occured me that i cant remember, i can not remember what it felt to be with him, to love him, i have forced all memories of him so deep into my mind that i can not remember. It is sad really...